Sundays for me are often days I realize my isolation. Many folks today spend today basking in the Lord's house, others enjoy the bottomless hour at brunch. Sunday is such a great beach day too! People can just lay out or splash in the waves. Or even spend the day inside, cozied up with loved ones. But for me, many Sundays are a single and bored Rebecca, lounging and wishing she had plans for the day. As someone who enjoys alone time, it is hard to admit when I start to feel lonely. When the loneliness isn't by choice, it's less enticing. Honestly, staying in on Sundays is welcomed; I just wish I was staying in with a loved one. But since I'm such a procrastinator, having a whole day to catch up on responsibilities is pretty lit. And besides, I wasn't actually alone. I had the most insatiable guest: a fly.
I don't know about anyone else, but when a fly buzzes past my ear I spaz out. Flies are just gross- especially New York flies. They touch all the hot and stinky dog poop, fly through all the nasty city chemicals, and still have to nerve to touch not just our food, but our bodies! It's outrageous and I want no part of them. This fly could care less though, as it buzzed right on by my ear; that's one way to be told "good morning".
There have been a few instances where I'd see a bug and have multiple encounters, potentially days with it, until I was able to squash the little creepy crawler. It leaves me so on edge in my own home and I hate it. I was gonna be damned if today would be another one of those instances. I tried to follow it- I'm lying; actually I hid under my sheets in fear of that awful buzzing getting by my ears again. But the second time it came around, I did try to swat it! The ugly, loud insect kept jumping all over the place; and I lost it. Maybe a couple of hours later I was laser focused on killing it. My body's energy and strength heightened just for this moment. Desperation was clear being as I was ready to use my hands to smash the fly dead. First, it stopped on my rack post. Next, my granny cart, parked on the opposite side of the room. I reached for a cloth to swing since the fly was out of my reach and my awkward footing would of scared it again. With all the might in my arms, it swung with that cloth in hand, straight towards the uninvited pest. The strike was so intense I needed to catch my breath afterwards- I'm lying everything was fine, aside from the fly not being on my granny cart anymore.
I looked around the area for it to see if the fly had fallen somewhere. Nothing. My eyes wildly moved about searching for a flying fly flying elsewhere. Nothing. This was extremely upsetting to say the least. With a mind clouded with anger and doubt, I gave up and simply continued my Sunday.
After lunch, I watched some shows and at one point wanted to lay down while watching. I have my tablet set up on this small shoe stand used as a bed table because New York alternative. As I'm laying there I notice something rounded and black. Upon looking closer, there is a clear thing sticking up. Now I'm sitting up and see it's the fly! Nice and dead! No longer do I turn in unrest awaiting this nasty SOB to come and cause me harm. I dispose of this bug and thank God for looking out.
All this time spent worrying about a bug that was already dead made me realize how stuck in the past I can be. That strike worked; it killed the fly. But I was too full of doubt to even notice my great doings. This parallels with a current battle against doubt. It's such a strong thing, so confidence and faith have to be even stronger. Breaking free is an uphill battle; but today I was reminded I'm a lot more focused and stronger than I think.
No comments:
Post a Comment