So New York has a lot of explaining to do. Thanksgiving hasn't even gotten here yet, but snow wants to fall from the sky? Over three inches too?! Some people were excited, but this young lady gave this snow storm a disapproving frown. When I thought I was getting a hold of this seasonal depression, here comes a premature snow storm.
But who dubs it premature, me? The seasonal calendar that indicates it's still fall? Either way, it made me feel a way. I'm not sure if I was depressed, but it made me very aware that the year is ending. It made me aware that in less than two months, the year will be over, bringing us to another chapter in the book of life.
This is a wake up call to me for many reasons. It reminded me that I in fact haven't been writing my essays. It's shown me that I live in a binary where I can acknowledge all the great I've done while deprecating the things I lack. This reminds me that time is ticking; and I want to make use of mine.
A snow storm would bring out all of this; because think about what a snow storm is. Besides the obvious: cold, wet, sublime, snow storms are strong but calming, steady but rushing, halting but insightful. For me, snow storms bring out an abundance of feelings that I typically had been suppressing in the recent days. Still at 27, there is a struggle with expression.
Stoicism haunts me. Why do I feel I can't show pain? We already know black women are typically given the strong and independent stigma, but there's this deeper personal layer I need to peel back. If I cannot express, those things I hold onto will continue to manifest itself in unhealthy ways. What is still stopping me from letting it out?
New York had no problem letting it out that Thursday. Most of the residents weren't feeling the snow, but guess what? It came. Even when my feelings may make others uncomfortable, even when people have to work around what I'm going through, it is still valid. It is still necessary. Suppression does no good and New York reminded me to let it out, despite the ramifications. Release doesn't have to be in anger or even passion, but it must be let out. For your sake and everyone else's.
I am reminded to let go of what bothers me. My feelings are valid and important. They need to be explored for the sake of wellness. And most importantly, it allows people to really see each other. We really saw New York during that snow storm. Recent days have been cold, but New York let us know that we're in for colder days ahead.
Well you know what? Bring it!
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