How hard is it for you to let go? Whether it be a plan you plotted to a T, or a person you envisioned a life with, when do you know it's time to just stop and let it all go? Although I'm constantly reminded of my mortality and lack of control, there is still this false idea that everything and everyone I want will manifest itself onto me. While I'm firmly pro-affirmations and declarations, there is a dangerous level of daydreaming that I've recently learned I must let go of.
Last month, a financial goal was hit! I paid off a debt; and I thought because I did I was entitled to more financial access. However, my bank teller gathered my false reality altogether. After such a gross misuse of money, why would I assume they'd give me greater opportunities to mess up my credit? Would they really just risk the chance of me falling into the same financial turmoil? The man was very nice to me, but it was very clear I had to start back my monies in a humble manner. This guided and helpful solution was one I was prepared to reject. Stubbornness is my Achilles heel. Once something has been planned and envisioned my way, it is extremely hard for me to let go of the control never given to me. When propositioned, initially, I rejected it and looked for what seemed deserved. I looked for my wants, but it just wasn't available. This is the reality of life many instances, what we want and what we've worked for are two entirely different things.
Although reaching a financial goal was paramount, it doesn't do away the previous spending damage. I don't get to decide what is owed to me; there is a process for everything. So I had to humble myself and go back to that bank teller, set up my card, and continue working on the financial freedom I want.
If there was any affirmation in this, it was the fortune cookie I opened up today. While some may say these things are fluff or evil, it definitely aligned with my experience that morning. I walked miles trying to avoid making that limited financial decision. Still, ultimately, I was led right back to where I needed to be. "Pride is a good thing to have, but don't overdose on it" is what that fortune read. Wow. What a way to remember humility is just as important as pride. This whole ordeal was a reminder, and I hope to continue letting go of essentially wishful thinking. I plan to see things for what they are; and if it's displeasing, work towards a better reality. Then I can take pride in what's mine, including my surrender.
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