So it's been a while since I kept up with this challenge. In a prior essay I stated I'm not playing catch up and will just write during the weeks I decide to engage. This choice was needed. As much as I want to go back and write for the weeks I missed, I must stay true to what I said. There's of course much that has happened since last sharing on my blog, so here are some highlights of my week, starting with a realization.
When good things happen in our lives we typically are happy and that happiness resonates into our lifestyle. There is more pep in our step, we smile for what seems to be no reason and just feel good overall. However, with all the good that had been occurring for me, my daily response has been one of anxiety. After work I would order way too much food, buy some alcohol and watch a show I hadn't cared to watch previously. As someone who typically despises reality TV, I morphed into a fan who binged on them. With the snippets of nice weather that have showed up, I would usually walk home on those day. Yet, I found myself on the train every evening almost resenting the idea of walking. It was like I was too tired although I knew I was completely capable. Things have been going great in my professional life, however, I'm realizing I may be anxious from all that is happening. I'm 26, off my parent's insurance, a real adult. I have to make my career work. I have to supply at my company and keep up with the team. This is making me anxious. My current work situation is also no where near my end all be all, so I am juggling not becoming complacent while celebrating my new status. It's all much that has led me down a destructive rabbit hole.
My skin is paying for the food I eat, as my eczema does not respond well to a lot of gluten and dairy. I kept ordering pizza. My lack of hustle kept me from more money. There are opportunities to make extra cash, but you have to be awake for it! But now as I realize I haven't been nice to myself, today I walked home from work and loved it. I ate well this evening and have enjoyed podcasts and writing. I'll be looking forward to keeping the positivity and wellness going.
Another thing I can't leave out is the fact that this cute cashier that flirted with me in front of his coworker. For a while now a tall, dark and handsome guy has been flirting with me and I'm not sure if I've flirted back, but I definitely dig him. He called me "one of his favorites", which feels like backhanded flirting, but was still new for me. Even if a guy likes me he usually wont express that in front of others (heads up ladies that's always a bad sign!). So for him to say that not only out loud but also to his coworker was definitely weird for me. I couldn't look up I was so embarrassed! But wow did it feel good.
My friendships are looking great too. I'm so thankful for the people I've come across that have really blessed my life. As a child I was told not to worry too much about friends, something I share on my blog often. I also share how that is bogus. We need chosen family in this hard life because unfortunately the love we expect from our blood isn't always there. So it is really great to come across sweet and sincere folks who value me, which is really all I want in people in my life.
All in all things are going and I'm ok. I'm excited for the weather warming up. I'm going to keep being myself and putting out good energy and waiting for great energy in return.
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