Seasonal depression, am I right? Tis the season for what? Arriving to work late? Sure the trains are slowing back up due to the time of year; but you also hit snooze 3 times more than usual. For some reason it's just harder to get out of bed. Tis the season for who? Rich people who don't stress about gift checklists? Families, who have holiday traditions to share? People who don't have to be reminded their loved one is no longer at the Thanksgiving table? While the winter is supposed to embody the holiday joy, for many this is not the case. The cold makes us sad. There are reasons that are totally valid, but I wonder; can we curb the depression that rolls around in November?
Weight gain. Sleep loss. Over sleeping. Declining to go out. Weight loss. Not eating. Over eating. Drinking. Whichever bad habit it is for you returns seven folds when it starts to get colds. I get sad for various reasons.
I was so upset I didn't wear enough dresses. I told myself that over the summer I'd wear so many cute dresses and skirts. The skirts with buttons down the middle came back into style and I just knew I'd find one. That never happened. It bummed me out. The fact that I kept covering my eczema on my legs bummed me out. So many trivial summer style ideas bummed me out. When it's cold there's no wearing them now.
Juvenile but genuine sentiments. Reasons of more merit also brought me down. Daylights savings was a hard time for me. Coming out of work to a black sky daily, for months is soul crushing. Knowing you only have your lunch break to cap off of the sun, if it even comes out that day, gives one anxiety.
Then of course thinking about the holidays and every feeling that conjures up. There are the woes regarding finances, travel, dating, family, and just feeling the holiday spirit the way everyone else around you so evidently experiences it. There's a lot to take in. Life continues at this insanely accelerated pace that reminds you that it has to all be done over again except with a year older and more life realizations. It sucks; and still this is a season to love. Maybe we have to work harder to create our love for this season. It may not show up in peppermint flavored coffee or ugly sweater parties, but it is there is we look for it.
As much as I cannot stand the cold dark evenings, one way I've remedied this is by taking a long walk in it. I'd walk a couple of train stations over and just embrace the weather. So what it's colder and darker? I can still walk. And I love walking. I also listened to some Christmas songs. "Carol of the Bells" is one of my favorites; hearing all the versions of it, with old choir ladies really going for that note, also brighten up my day.
Get a sweater in your favorite color. Drink hot chocolate. Enjoy the Christmas lights. Whatever you have to do to enjoy yourself this season, do it. Us being sad doesn't stop the winter from coming. There's no simple way to cure one's depression. There is however, a simple way to make yourself feel warm even on the coldest day.
Showing posts with label 52essays2017. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 52essays2017. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Monday, November 20, 2017
52 Essays: Men, Do Better.
We are in this immense age of information. With internet search engines, various news outlets and even social media, there are a plethora of methods to obtain information. So why is it that there are topics of discussion where many continue to act completely ignorant in? With topics of racism, homophobia and sexism, there are still many debates and arguments centered around these issues. It is as if people are refusing to use this information or just ignoring that these are issues that we've dealt with for far too long. While I have many words for the racists and homophobes who send paragraphs back and forth with folks calling out their, quite frankly, crap, a story that more so encompasses sexism is what I'll be expanding on.
A now 28 year old Cyntoia Brown is currently serving life for killing her predator, rapist and overall coward at 16. She, a child who was robbed of her innocence, has been now criminalized for saving herself in a world that wasn't planning to. Quite frankly, this is the kind of piss poor results we receive from our justice system when is comes to girls and abuse. Girls and women aren't protected, but instead penalized for being exploited. All the while men constantly victim blame and critique women on how they should be conducting themselves. In the same breath they come out of the wood work to defend rapists. They come in full silence as their problematic homeboys perpetuate toxic masculinity. These men have the audacity to deem what is a "respectable woman" while never being a respectable man. I'm completely over it and have no room for their toxic ideals anymore. It's time for men to be accountable. It's time to do better, fellas.
It's almost hilarious hearing the jargon coming from these kinds of men. They are the same ones who cannot see how cat calling is actual violence towards women. They hear the stories of women who were murdered for not giving their number, dancing with or talking to a man. A man who decided because this woman didn't want to engage him that she was better off dead. Because so many men only still view women as sexual objects and couldn't fathom them in any other capacity. I hate these men. I want to fight and destroy all these men. I want to save women from the tyranny these men create. Unfortunately, I cannot. I can only be an unapologetic women. I can only show young girls that being a women is a lifelong journey of self worth and self respect. I can only make sure the women in my life walk their paths with confidence and assurance in self. I can only tell men who I see acting out in this gross manner to cut the garbage. We never were or ever will be yours. So learn to appreciate women they way you should; the day you are obsolete is near.
Navigating in an androgynous society is scary as a woman and stories like Cyntoia, quite similar to Breesha's reinforce this fear. While shifting the way men view women usually seems pointless, there is a clear effort being made. And this is significant, because it is coming from men, to men.
Seeing men, ones I know and ones on social media, call out their fellow men and start serious conversations about the trash tendencies within their community, brings me a peace I never knew. It lets me know that there may be a future where young girls don't have to avoid certain uncles and family friends when they come over. It let's me dream of the moment a young girl finally decides to call out her abuser, that police and family don't meet her with the question "what were you wearing?" It just let's me know there is a chance the women growing up in the next generation won't have to deal with the trauma that is abuse from men in a normative capacity.
I just really want men to stop using their platforms to perpetuate the mess about how women and girls should be. Just stop. Get your own self together. Make sure you're living up to the expectations that make a man a man. Or even better just acknowledge toxic masculinity is a thing and see how you can not project it.
A now 28 year old Cyntoia Brown is currently serving life for killing her predator, rapist and overall coward at 16. She, a child who was robbed of her innocence, has been now criminalized for saving herself in a world that wasn't planning to. Quite frankly, this is the kind of piss poor results we receive from our justice system when is comes to girls and abuse. Girls and women aren't protected, but instead penalized for being exploited. All the while men constantly victim blame and critique women on how they should be conducting themselves. In the same breath they come out of the wood work to defend rapists. They come in full silence as their problematic homeboys perpetuate toxic masculinity. These men have the audacity to deem what is a "respectable woman" while never being a respectable man. I'm completely over it and have no room for their toxic ideals anymore. It's time for men to be accountable. It's time to do better, fellas.
It's almost hilarious hearing the jargon coming from these kinds of men. They are the same ones who cannot see how cat calling is actual violence towards women. They hear the stories of women who were murdered for not giving their number, dancing with or talking to a man. A man who decided because this woman didn't want to engage him that she was better off dead. Because so many men only still view women as sexual objects and couldn't fathom them in any other capacity. I hate these men. I want to fight and destroy all these men. I want to save women from the tyranny these men create. Unfortunately, I cannot. I can only be an unapologetic women. I can only show young girls that being a women is a lifelong journey of self worth and self respect. I can only make sure the women in my life walk their paths with confidence and assurance in self. I can only tell men who I see acting out in this gross manner to cut the garbage. We never were or ever will be yours. So learn to appreciate women they way you should; the day you are obsolete is near.
Navigating in an androgynous society is scary as a woman and stories like Cyntoia, quite similar to Breesha's reinforce this fear. While shifting the way men view women usually seems pointless, there is a clear effort being made. And this is significant, because it is coming from men, to men.
Seeing men, ones I know and ones on social media, call out their fellow men and start serious conversations about the trash tendencies within their community, brings me a peace I never knew. It lets me know that there may be a future where young girls don't have to avoid certain uncles and family friends when they come over. It let's me dream of the moment a young girl finally decides to call out her abuser, that police and family don't meet her with the question "what were you wearing?" It just let's me know there is a chance the women growing up in the next generation won't have to deal with the trauma that is abuse from men in a normative capacity.
I just really want men to stop using their platforms to perpetuate the mess about how women and girls should be. Just stop. Get your own self together. Make sure you're living up to the expectations that make a man a man. Or even better just acknowledge toxic masculinity is a thing and see how you can not project it.
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
52 Essays: Today Proved I Should Freelance
This Wednesday was a great one! Being a person working a 9-5, I get drained from the work week fairly quickly. With only two days to rest, party, run errands and clean, most Mondays I return to the grind feeling groggy. So having today off was a great mid week break to take care of a couple of affairs and relax.
As I went about the city, I noticed something that's special about the 9-5 hours when you're not actually spending them working 9-5. People not enclosed to the four walls that is their job are much happier! For the first time in a long time multiple people spoke to me throughout the day. A couple of men (who were cute by the way) inquired about a book I was reading, which led to a conversation. Speaking to people on the MTA, who knew?! With rush hour passing, folks could comfortably sit and ride the subway. A happier ride makes a happier mood. Then while I was walking around folks offered me help with directions. There were other instances where it was clear people were more interested in interacting with one another and I believe it had to do with them being outside of an office.
After my first round of errands I headed home ready to spend the rest of my day in the solitude that was my bed, but I enjoyed my experience from earlier so much that I decided to step out once again and get more things done.
Me having more control of my schedule felt so good, but not only that; it felt right too. I honestly felt that was a sign to get the control of my life I've been desiring and enter the freelancing world. For too long I've craved a writing career that will allow me a level of independence and flexibility that works for me. It is time to achieve this goal. As much as I appreciate my work, being confined to that building every weekday is soul wrenching. I already know what Wednesday looks like working a 9-5. Nothing ever changes with those kinds of Wednesdays. But now I've gaged the way a Wednesday could look as a freelancer. Control over my how I spent my day was empowering. It was energizing, and I got so much done! I am truly excited to merge into a full fledged writing career and can see the light at the end of the 9-5 tunnel.
I expressed this desire to a family member recently. I'd been telling her about my frustrations with my current job (none involving the actual job itself). The response was essentially that's just how it is. Don't let it get to you. When I mentioned making money for myself instead, she was silent. Why are we so hesitant to leave the 9-5 world? I honestly feel that people believe their peak success is finding a good 9-5 and working until retirement. working those same hours and prioritizing getting to that job over everything else. Things like child rearing to traveling often times are pushed to the wayside for these jobs that ultimately don't help us retire comfortably if at all. Still, we are tied to these traditional employment methods.
Well I say forget that! This life is so very short and the world has way more to offer than a job to "hold on to". it isn't fair to ourselves. There are a few ways I can enter this writing freelance world while continuing to be independent. it will not be an easy bout, but I am willing to put in the work to live the life I want. to live the life I deserve. to life the life my body deserves. how do you feel after your work week? what would you rather feel like?
As I went about the city, I noticed something that's special about the 9-5 hours when you're not actually spending them working 9-5. People not enclosed to the four walls that is their job are much happier! For the first time in a long time multiple people spoke to me throughout the day. A couple of men (who were cute by the way) inquired about a book I was reading, which led to a conversation. Speaking to people on the MTA, who knew?! With rush hour passing, folks could comfortably sit and ride the subway. A happier ride makes a happier mood. Then while I was walking around folks offered me help with directions. There were other instances where it was clear people were more interested in interacting with one another and I believe it had to do with them being outside of an office.
After my first round of errands I headed home ready to spend the rest of my day in the solitude that was my bed, but I enjoyed my experience from earlier so much that I decided to step out once again and get more things done.
Me having more control of my schedule felt so good, but not only that; it felt right too. I honestly felt that was a sign to get the control of my life I've been desiring and enter the freelancing world. For too long I've craved a writing career that will allow me a level of independence and flexibility that works for me. It is time to achieve this goal. As much as I appreciate my work, being confined to that building every weekday is soul wrenching. I already know what Wednesday looks like working a 9-5. Nothing ever changes with those kinds of Wednesdays. But now I've gaged the way a Wednesday could look as a freelancer. Control over my how I spent my day was empowering. It was energizing, and I got so much done! I am truly excited to merge into a full fledged writing career and can see the light at the end of the 9-5 tunnel.
I expressed this desire to a family member recently. I'd been telling her about my frustrations with my current job (none involving the actual job itself). The response was essentially that's just how it is. Don't let it get to you. When I mentioned making money for myself instead, she was silent. Why are we so hesitant to leave the 9-5 world? I honestly feel that people believe their peak success is finding a good 9-5 and working until retirement. working those same hours and prioritizing getting to that job over everything else. Things like child rearing to traveling often times are pushed to the wayside for these jobs that ultimately don't help us retire comfortably if at all. Still, we are tied to these traditional employment methods.
Well I say forget that! This life is so very short and the world has way more to offer than a job to "hold on to". it isn't fair to ourselves. There are a few ways I can enter this writing freelance world while continuing to be independent. it will not be an easy bout, but I am willing to put in the work to live the life I want. to live the life I deserve. to life the life my body deserves. how do you feel after your work week? what would you rather feel like?
Sunday, October 22, 2017
52 Essays: Stop Chosing Isolation
Eventually you realize you need actual professional help. Hopefully it comes before something extremely dramatic like flipping out at work or extremely cliché like catching your ugly reflection after a headache inducing cry and realizing enough is enough. Still, you probably wont go.
The reasons will of course vary, but none will be sensible enough to avoid getting the help you need. But while you're ignoring the fact that you need therapy, like myself, there are definitely ways to cope and heal in your everyday life otherwise. It's imperative and truly life altering when you know what things help you cope and heal.
Glitter. Any kind of glitter. Body glitter, hair glitter, nail glitter, craft glitter, glitter apparel. Anything glitter. The sound of water. Sun. Sunrise, high-noon sun, and sunset. Dancing. Great company. Hearing my parent's voices. Talking to my siblings. Family. Wind. All these things help me and many times I forget on purpose how readily available these things are. Nonetheless, they're there, waiting for me to be reasonable and look towards recovery.
When we're down it is so easy to stay down. That is why we must remember we have to try to get up each time. You should be very concerned if you stay down. Now down can be a few hours or a few years; so there's absolutely no timer on it. However, the will to want to feel better is potent. Personally, there's been times I purposely took the route leading to more pain and isolation. There were instances when I had opportunities afforded to me for a path to a better Becky. But in many instances I ended up choosing the isolation. I choose keeping myself down. I soon became keen to when I start doing this and started choosing healing. My livelihood depends on it; and I don't have health insurance.
What are the things that help you heal? If you don't know, just think about things that are healthy and make you happy. If it's trying on dresses at your favorite store (sorry retail employees) then try it on and whatever else! If it's water, go hit the beach or a pool. If it's music, turn it up loud and sing your heart out. There's ways to feel better that beat the things I do to stay down.
Eat. Eat poorly. Overeat. Eat my feelings. Eat until my chest hurts. Drink. Drink until I sleep. Reopen communication with people who clearly aren't positive in my life. Ignore ambitions. Sleep in. These are the harmful things I quickly run to. Looking at this would break my heart, if I knew that I was still down. I'm lifted while still going and feeling so much. I'm by no means declaring I cured myself of anything, like I said, I need professional help. But there are coping mechanism I go to because I know I want to choose happiness. I want to choose peace of mind.
The reasons will of course vary, but none will be sensible enough to avoid getting the help you need. But while you're ignoring the fact that you need therapy, like myself, there are definitely ways to cope and heal in your everyday life otherwise. It's imperative and truly life altering when you know what things help you cope and heal.
Glitter. Any kind of glitter. Body glitter, hair glitter, nail glitter, craft glitter, glitter apparel. Anything glitter. The sound of water. Sun. Sunrise, high-noon sun, and sunset. Dancing. Great company. Hearing my parent's voices. Talking to my siblings. Family. Wind. All these things help me and many times I forget on purpose how readily available these things are. Nonetheless, they're there, waiting for me to be reasonable and look towards recovery.
When we're down it is so easy to stay down. That is why we must remember we have to try to get up each time. You should be very concerned if you stay down. Now down can be a few hours or a few years; so there's absolutely no timer on it. However, the will to want to feel better is potent. Personally, there's been times I purposely took the route leading to more pain and isolation. There were instances when I had opportunities afforded to me for a path to a better Becky. But in many instances I ended up choosing the isolation. I choose keeping myself down. I soon became keen to when I start doing this and started choosing healing. My livelihood depends on it; and I don't have health insurance.
What are the things that help you heal? If you don't know, just think about things that are healthy and make you happy. If it's trying on dresses at your favorite store (sorry retail employees) then try it on and whatever else! If it's water, go hit the beach or a pool. If it's music, turn it up loud and sing your heart out. There's ways to feel better that beat the things I do to stay down.
Eat. Eat poorly. Overeat. Eat my feelings. Eat until my chest hurts. Drink. Drink until I sleep. Reopen communication with people who clearly aren't positive in my life. Ignore ambitions. Sleep in. These are the harmful things I quickly run to. Looking at this would break my heart, if I knew that I was still down. I'm lifted while still going and feeling so much. I'm by no means declaring I cured myself of anything, like I said, I need professional help. But there are coping mechanism I go to because I know I want to choose happiness. I want to choose peace of mind.
Saturday, September 30, 2017
52 Essays: The Last Quarter
When mid-September rolls around, people already start talking about the next year. I always find this interesting. Whether it's affirmations of success or feelings of regret , people speak as if the year is basically over. But it's only September right? Or is the sentiment better perceived as "September already?!" It makes me assess who exactly is already looking to the future. Are these people who feel they had a successful 2017? They made their to-do lists and knocked out goals on their vision board? Or is this group of folks the ones who feel the high of summer coming down? Did they realize their goals were no where near accomplished and have gained a sense of failure? That feeling of "next time" leaves us yearning for the next chapter to hurry up.
However the sentiment is perceived, it'd always been troubling for me. In September there are still 122 days left in the year. How unfair is it to yourself to disregard a whole quarter of the year because you feel it's too late? We cheat ourselves in the weirdest ways, and I'm starting to realizing rushing the end of the year is one of them.
I don't know what you call it when you keep thinking it's the week before in your head, but that kept happening to me this month. On the third week of the month, I kept thinking it was the second. I felt like I had more time than I actually do. While there are still three more months in the year, there are only three months left in the year. My lackadaisical perspective on time can be just as harmful as the rushed mindset others have. Having too leisure of an attitude can lead to being stagnant, which is honestly how I've been feeling recently.
So what are we supposed to do when this quarter comes around?
The answer I can only think of is: go as hard as you did the first quarter.
Anything can happen; and when we are intentional, anything can happen. Reflecting back as the beginning of the year I was just on fire. I recall writing my dreams, eating breakfast, making and completing to-do lists and writing regularly. My engagement in the various roles I play was to par and I was overall just excited for what was to come. Now I feel pathetically different. And while the excitement of "new year, new you" dies out quickly, I was hoping the desire to achieve and succeed would push me harder. However, life isn't that easy. Change and routine take effort. Depressive states occur. Financial resources aren't there. There's a lot to being great; and if you're not constantly working towards your greatness, time will creep up and leave you anxious for the future.
Consistency is key has been said surmounted times for a reason. So if you aren't feel good about how you spent your year, take a moment to reflect on why. Think about how you spent your time. Think about how hard your tried. Think about opportunities you didn't seize. As you realize where the hiccups were, correct that behavior so you can enjoy your now and end this year with content.
However the sentiment is perceived, it'd always been troubling for me. In September there are still 122 days left in the year. How unfair is it to yourself to disregard a whole quarter of the year because you feel it's too late? We cheat ourselves in the weirdest ways, and I'm starting to realizing rushing the end of the year is one of them.
I don't know what you call it when you keep thinking it's the week before in your head, but that kept happening to me this month. On the third week of the month, I kept thinking it was the second. I felt like I had more time than I actually do. While there are still three more months in the year, there are only three months left in the year. My lackadaisical perspective on time can be just as harmful as the rushed mindset others have. Having too leisure of an attitude can lead to being stagnant, which is honestly how I've been feeling recently.
So what are we supposed to do when this quarter comes around?
The answer I can only think of is: go as hard as you did the first quarter.
Anything can happen; and when we are intentional, anything can happen. Reflecting back as the beginning of the year I was just on fire. I recall writing my dreams, eating breakfast, making and completing to-do lists and writing regularly. My engagement in the various roles I play was to par and I was overall just excited for what was to come. Now I feel pathetically different. And while the excitement of "new year, new you" dies out quickly, I was hoping the desire to achieve and succeed would push me harder. However, life isn't that easy. Change and routine take effort. Depressive states occur. Financial resources aren't there. There's a lot to being great; and if you're not constantly working towards your greatness, time will creep up and leave you anxious for the future.
Consistency is key has been said surmounted times for a reason. So if you aren't feel good about how you spent your year, take a moment to reflect on why. Think about how you spent your time. Think about how hard your tried. Think about opportunities you didn't seize. As you realize where the hiccups were, correct that behavior so you can enjoy your now and end this year with content.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
52 Essays: The "Alliship" Centered Around Charlottesville
As I continue to avoid the news and most media outlets, certain stories circulate enough to make you cave in and read up. Who could turn a blind eye to thousands of white supremacists and nazis displaying complete bigotry? Per usual this news is ridiculous and exhausting, but what was even more incredible was the white folks who never, and I mean never ever, have a political voice on social media, suddenly have a lot to say about Charlottesville. No I'm not talking about the white folks saying how shocked and embarrassed they are about this. I'm not talking about the ones who are calling this wrong. I'm talking about the ones who found some sick deranged way to defend the nazis and skinheads.
First of all, what in the world is wrong with you?! If you are going out of your way to say things like "who have the nazis actually harmed?" and considering the nation hypocritical because we're not "respecting their rights", then I don't trust you. What are you really saying if all year you're quiet about black liberation, the election, queer rights, immigration issues and suddenly compelled to make a point about not wishing death upon these violent mongrels? This person is a cis straight white male. He was in the army. He could have very well stood in that sea of white male hate and shown society this is "his" country. Because he could have been in that crowd and gotten away with the hate, he felt a need to defend that privilege. While he added his faux disclaimer about knowing "they're wrong but", it is clear speaking about the wrong in white supremacy is not his actual agenda. That's the nauseating thing about allies in this fight for freedom: do white people really want things to change?
I'm just annoyed ad riled up. This is my country but I am so estranged from it because to have nationalism here is to hate me: a queer, a black, and a woman. The disconnect is frightening and the fact that many white Americans cannot recognize that but can try to pardon hate is repulsive. But I wish well to those who've lost loved ones during all this turmoil. The fight must continue but I will definitely watch out for those who want to uphold the norm. To think the societal norm of today is white men stomping out with torches, spouting hate just as they did decades, ago, shows what has really been occurring. We've been ignoring and silencing the lack of racial progression.
We will be free one day. We will continue to fight. All evil must fall and these folks have already stared paying consequences whether it was a job loss, confederate flag ripped or a nice punch to the body. Just now I'm on the freedom side; what side are you on? I'll know when you try it on Facebook.
First of all, what in the world is wrong with you?! If you are going out of your way to say things like "who have the nazis actually harmed?" and considering the nation hypocritical because we're not "respecting their rights", then I don't trust you. What are you really saying if all year you're quiet about black liberation, the election, queer rights, immigration issues and suddenly compelled to make a point about not wishing death upon these violent mongrels? This person is a cis straight white male. He was in the army. He could have very well stood in that sea of white male hate and shown society this is "his" country. Because he could have been in that crowd and gotten away with the hate, he felt a need to defend that privilege. While he added his faux disclaimer about knowing "they're wrong but", it is clear speaking about the wrong in white supremacy is not his actual agenda. That's the nauseating thing about allies in this fight for freedom: do white people really want things to change?
I'm just annoyed ad riled up. This is my country but I am so estranged from it because to have nationalism here is to hate me: a queer, a black, and a woman. The disconnect is frightening and the fact that many white Americans cannot recognize that but can try to pardon hate is repulsive. But I wish well to those who've lost loved ones during all this turmoil. The fight must continue but I will definitely watch out for those who want to uphold the norm. To think the societal norm of today is white men stomping out with torches, spouting hate just as they did decades, ago, shows what has really been occurring. We've been ignoring and silencing the lack of racial progression.
We will be free one day. We will continue to fight. All evil must fall and these folks have already stared paying consequences whether it was a job loss, confederate flag ripped or a nice punch to the body. Just now I'm on the freedom side; what side are you on? I'll know when you try it on Facebook.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
52 Essays: Racism is Learned; It can be Unlearned if we Try
At a routine setting of mine I encountered something rather traumatizing. Perhaps it was numbing; either way it is something I know no one wants to experience. navigating this life as a black woman allows for me to go through racism regularly without anyone having to say "I hate you because of your color". Unfortunately, in this moment of racism that is exactly what happened. And the oppressor: a 2 year old white girl.
"I don't like brown people" were her exact words. She said this to me across the room with an open mouth smile. Her boldness to say it to me was already baffling, but she also let it be known she knew fully what she was doing in that instance. "What did you just say" is what fortunately came out of my mouth because a more colorful message could've slipped, and that would just be my reflex. Her silence and looking away prompted me to ask again. She then says in a way less menacing way "I don't like silver people". Once again this shows this very young human knew exactly what she said, since she lied about it. I kept my composure and told her we're going to tell a person of power what you just said. I walked over to her, extend my hand, and walked her to the phone.
When we have people in power, people who can be of aid, we assume they will do that-we assume they'll help. The reality is though sometimes these people fail us. Intentional or not, there are crucial moments when we need them and they're just not there. When I dialed a certain overseer, this proved true.
I told her what child said and then what the child tried to cover it up with. She told me to ask the child what a silver person looks like. "And what about the first comment?" "What do I tell her parents?" Both extremely reasonable questions, yet I was made to feel like I was being over sensitive or something. "This child isn't racist. They aren't a racist person. We're not going to give this power" is the response I received. This was infuriating. Don't give this power? The system's power is what got us to this point! And here you are protecting them by keeping silent and telling me to do the same.
This child may very well not be a racist, but she came to this belief through some influence. It may have been from racist people in her life. Or perhaps from observing the differences between being white or black. Children pick up on social dynamics more than we think. While this child seems to have parents who work to raise her not to think like this at all, she has still been able to come to this conclusion. I'd like to be more shocked at this series of events, but I really cant be. This is an alarming racial climate and I hate that I went through this. I hate that I know I wasn't the first and I wont be the last. I hate that we can have superiors who allow for this type of thing to occur and encourage us to be passive. But ultimately love wins, and thankfully another person in power came to my aid.
I briefly told this other supervisor about the incident because I was looking for the head honcho. But she still called me back to see how the situation was going. I told her what my boss told me to do and she heard my discontent and need for real help. She then explained how even her niece who's father is dark says remarks that appear racist too. She explained how they have conversations with her and how I can make a positive with this situation. This prompted me to find a book about different shades and kept asking the child is all these shades were beautiful. She kept replying with an open mouthed smile, "yes".
We make the difference in race relations for the next generation. It's up t us to be actively fighting racism, or else it will always conquer. So for folks who deal with young people, I hope my experience will encourage you to curve the way a child thinks about people of color. That child my very well grow into a full blown racist, but I'll know I did what I needed to ensure she knows there's another way to think and live. I also hope bosses who ignore these pressing issues are held accountable and realize their team is counting on them in more way than they know.
"I don't like brown people" were her exact words. She said this to me across the room with an open mouth smile. Her boldness to say it to me was already baffling, but she also let it be known she knew fully what she was doing in that instance. "What did you just say" is what fortunately came out of my mouth because a more colorful message could've slipped, and that would just be my reflex. Her silence and looking away prompted me to ask again. She then says in a way less menacing way "I don't like silver people". Once again this shows this very young human knew exactly what she said, since she lied about it. I kept my composure and told her we're going to tell a person of power what you just said. I walked over to her, extend my hand, and walked her to the phone.
When we have people in power, people who can be of aid, we assume they will do that-we assume they'll help. The reality is though sometimes these people fail us. Intentional or not, there are crucial moments when we need them and they're just not there. When I dialed a certain overseer, this proved true.
I told her what child said and then what the child tried to cover it up with. She told me to ask the child what a silver person looks like. "And what about the first comment?" "What do I tell her parents?" Both extremely reasonable questions, yet I was made to feel like I was being over sensitive or something. "This child isn't racist. They aren't a racist person. We're not going to give this power" is the response I received. This was infuriating. Don't give this power? The system's power is what got us to this point! And here you are protecting them by keeping silent and telling me to do the same.
This child may very well not be a racist, but she came to this belief through some influence. It may have been from racist people in her life. Or perhaps from observing the differences between being white or black. Children pick up on social dynamics more than we think. While this child seems to have parents who work to raise her not to think like this at all, she has still been able to come to this conclusion. I'd like to be more shocked at this series of events, but I really cant be. This is an alarming racial climate and I hate that I went through this. I hate that I know I wasn't the first and I wont be the last. I hate that we can have superiors who allow for this type of thing to occur and encourage us to be passive. But ultimately love wins, and thankfully another person in power came to my aid.
I briefly told this other supervisor about the incident because I was looking for the head honcho. But she still called me back to see how the situation was going. I told her what my boss told me to do and she heard my discontent and need for real help. She then explained how even her niece who's father is dark says remarks that appear racist too. She explained how they have conversations with her and how I can make a positive with this situation. This prompted me to find a book about different shades and kept asking the child is all these shades were beautiful. She kept replying with an open mouthed smile, "yes".
We make the difference in race relations for the next generation. It's up t us to be actively fighting racism, or else it will always conquer. So for folks who deal with young people, I hope my experience will encourage you to curve the way a child thinks about people of color. That child my very well grow into a full blown racist, but I'll know I did what I needed to ensure she knows there's another way to think and live. I also hope bosses who ignore these pressing issues are held accountable and realize their team is counting on them in more way than they know.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
52 Essays 2017: Fake People are Exhuasting
It took me meditating and praying to realize that I am emotionally, physically and spiritually tired of fake people. I have been wondering why I've been so quick to crawl into bed, eat junk food when I'm not even hungry and at all hours and be just overall un-eased. There was also this resistance to pray. There's a certain level of honesty I tend to steer clear from that confronts me boldly in my prayer life. There's only you and God when you're praying. You are centering on yourself when you're meditating. You can't avoid the reality of your life and feelings in these moments (at least when you pray/ meditate intentionally). So it was a painful but relieving moment when I finally came into understanding that the fake people I encounter and relationships are taking a toll on me. This was painful because I am disappointed in how much people can get to me; honestly I wish I was stronger. However, I'm satisfied to know this has been an issue for me, because now I can intentionally work on dealing with these stressful situations.
My last 52 Essays topic was about haters, and I was essentially throwing a middle finger to them, acting as if I'm not bothered about how people think of me. Yet as I continue in my days I learn others heavily impacting my emotions. This is daunting; I typically come off unbothered. I tricked myself into believing I was for a long time. But how can I be if the girl who mumbles things about me in my face brings me anger and anxiety? How does this hold true if I'm constantly preparing myself to see someone I know is going to be snarky with me? Clearly folks are getting to me on all levels.
So what do I do now knowing this? I don't know, but there has to be a shift. There has to be a change in who I deal with. I honestly believe there is a reality for me with real and sincere people constantly around. I claim it.
My last 52 Essays topic was about haters, and I was essentially throwing a middle finger to them, acting as if I'm not bothered about how people think of me. Yet as I continue in my days I learn others heavily impacting my emotions. This is daunting; I typically come off unbothered. I tricked myself into believing I was for a long time. But how can I be if the girl who mumbles things about me in my face brings me anger and anxiety? How does this hold true if I'm constantly preparing myself to see someone I know is going to be snarky with me? Clearly folks are getting to me on all levels.
So what do I do now knowing this? I don't know, but there has to be a shift. There has to be a change in who I deal with. I honestly believe there is a reality for me with real and sincere people constantly around. I claim it.
Sunday, July 2, 2017
52 Essays: Haters
It has become painfully clear that I have a lot of haters. Whether from work, church and other social networks, people decide they don't like me. Me having haters isn't new; what is new is me realizing when someone is a hater and having to deal with them on a regular basis. This is an exhausting reality because, who wants to be around people that don't like them? It can be emotional draining and have me doublethink my actions and words in fear of being hated even more. But forget that! It's not my fault people don't like me and I won't let them effect me.
The fact is: haters g'on hate. There will always be negative and mean people who chose to be angry at somebody for just being themselves. I am not one to claim I'm a good person, but I am a very decent one. I respect others, I acknowledge people and I am very chill. Confidentially, I state there is no real reason for someone not to like me as I don't engage with people with any malicious intent. So these haters are just mad and I can't be bothered!
I've had to accept that you cannot make anyone like you. If someone has decided not to like me, it is on them. Who even knows where that hate is stemming from? Is it because I'm unapologetically big, black and beautiful? Is it because they see something in me they don't see in themselves? Is it because they don't like the way I laugh, walk or some other trivial thing? Who knows or cares? Acknowledging my haters has been a process that has been consuming me lately. While I want to be sure to protect myself from bad energy, I do not want to in turn become bad energy because I'm so focused on defending myself against hate.
How do we keep ourselves safe around haters while keeping our peace? While I have removed haters from my life that I don't have to deal with, there are spaces you cannot avoid them, like work. I am fairly good at ignoring nasty comments, being unbothered by jabs to get a reaction from me and mind my own damn business. But there are moments I react, and that isn't good for my spirit. There is no fruit from being nasty with haters. Then there is haters within your social network. What do you do when you love hanging out with someone who is great friends with your hater? I've been learning how to be present when surrounded by haters but not falling into their bad vibes. That's why it's so important to surround yourself with loving, positive people.
Although I have haters trying to bring me down, I'm always up because my chosen family is amazing. Last year I was intentional with the relationships I sought out, strengthened or reconnected with and it has been a blessing. Having people who genuinely like, value, support and celebrate you makes navigating through this hard life so much more doable. So haters can hate all they want because I have awesome friends and family who send time with meek think of me, pray for me, speak highly of me in front of and behind my back and just are good to me. With all that positive energy there's no way a hater could get me down. And like they say, a hater is a fan who doesn't know it yet!
The fact is: haters g'on hate. There will always be negative and mean people who chose to be angry at somebody for just being themselves. I am not one to claim I'm a good person, but I am a very decent one. I respect others, I acknowledge people and I am very chill. Confidentially, I state there is no real reason for someone not to like me as I don't engage with people with any malicious intent. So these haters are just mad and I can't be bothered!
I've had to accept that you cannot make anyone like you. If someone has decided not to like me, it is on them. Who even knows where that hate is stemming from? Is it because I'm unapologetically big, black and beautiful? Is it because they see something in me they don't see in themselves? Is it because they don't like the way I laugh, walk or some other trivial thing? Who knows or cares? Acknowledging my haters has been a process that has been consuming me lately. While I want to be sure to protect myself from bad energy, I do not want to in turn become bad energy because I'm so focused on defending myself against hate.
How do we keep ourselves safe around haters while keeping our peace? While I have removed haters from my life that I don't have to deal with, there are spaces you cannot avoid them, like work. I am fairly good at ignoring nasty comments, being unbothered by jabs to get a reaction from me and mind my own damn business. But there are moments I react, and that isn't good for my spirit. There is no fruit from being nasty with haters. Then there is haters within your social network. What do you do when you love hanging out with someone who is great friends with your hater? I've been learning how to be present when surrounded by haters but not falling into their bad vibes. That's why it's so important to surround yourself with loving, positive people.
Although I have haters trying to bring me down, I'm always up because my chosen family is amazing. Last year I was intentional with the relationships I sought out, strengthened or reconnected with and it has been a blessing. Having people who genuinely like, value, support and celebrate you makes navigating through this hard life so much more doable. So haters can hate all they want because I have awesome friends and family who send time with meek think of me, pray for me, speak highly of me in front of and behind my back and just are good to me. With all that positive energy there's no way a hater could get me down. And like they say, a hater is a fan who doesn't know it yet!
Sunday, June 11, 2017
52 Essays 2017: Black Apologists Are The Worst
So lately I've been hearing dialogues from black people that'll permit bad white behavior and damn bad black behavior. This patriarchal mind frame is one I'm intentionally breaking away from, but unfortunately many black folks let this thought process control their mentality. It only keeps us as the black community at odds and allows space for white supremacy to thrive. Honestly I am tired of these conversations and while many black people want to allow white people to remain hateful, I'm calling BS and asking for us to be better about self hatful talk.
I was talking with a friend and she was speaking about cat calling. This culture embedded in toxic masculinity is probably thought of as a "black man thing", although men from every race do this grossly. Either way, my friend shared how a white woman was cat called by all these men and how she can see why white people think of us "that way". I'm sorry but in the world is "that way"? Why is a group of men cat calling this white lady the only understanding and interaction she has of black people to even create an opinion of us being "that way"?
This is just garbage. It's garbage thinking and it's garbage politics. Men within suburbs all the way to major cities cat call at drastic levels. I've seen videos of white men following girls for blocks, stalking and harassing them which I believe falls into cat calling culture. No one ever complains about the white boys cat calling and objectifying women's bodies. There have been white men who ran up to my friends and put their face way to close to their bodies then made vulgar remarks. But there is no idea of "seeing how black people think of white people like that". Somehow it is only black men who suffer from toxic masculinity. This is an unfair claim and to permit any white person of preconceived notions off of face value interactions with us is not cool. That white woman had her mind made up about black people before she was ever cat called by a black man. This society displays us in a demeaning light and people eat it up, including ourselves. It can get to the point where we are standing up for blatant racism and this just breaks my heart. If we were liberated from this mentality, that what white people think of us is important, we'd be able to embrace our blackness fully and realize many of the things anti-black white folks say is only to further push white supremacy.
Bill Maher used the n-word on his live show recently. It was in the most uncalled for and forced manner (although it's always a no no for non blacks to use the word). This man has been a white supremacist and anti-black individual for his whole life. However, because of the idea dismissing bad white behavior and making excuses for them, this moment has been able to unfold. You would think this would be a light bulb moment for self hating black folks. But no! Still black people came out of the wood work to defend this racist. We are do blinded by white validation that we allow them to be hateful to us right in our face and still apologize for them. This behavior is quite frankly sickening and I'm over it.
There's even a podcast I thoroughly enjoy that engages in this behavior. There is one host particularly interjects "now let's not do that" every time another host challenges white people or speaks on a black oppression. Yet whenever that group is critiquing and generalizing things within the black community, everyone is ok with it. Why do we as black people work so hard to protect whiteness? What are these white people really loosing when we call them out? Would they even think to defend us? We have to break away from oppressive patterns on thinking.
It's time to focus on the way we think and speak about ourselves. If we can defend whiteness in our black corners imagine what is said in white spaces. Imagine the impression we leave on white people about how we feel about ourselves. We must love ourselves and stand up for ourselves, because if not us then who?
I was talking with a friend and she was speaking about cat calling. This culture embedded in toxic masculinity is probably thought of as a "black man thing", although men from every race do this grossly. Either way, my friend shared how a white woman was cat called by all these men and how she can see why white people think of us "that way". I'm sorry but in the world is "that way"? Why is a group of men cat calling this white lady the only understanding and interaction she has of black people to even create an opinion of us being "that way"?
This is just garbage. It's garbage thinking and it's garbage politics. Men within suburbs all the way to major cities cat call at drastic levels. I've seen videos of white men following girls for blocks, stalking and harassing them which I believe falls into cat calling culture. No one ever complains about the white boys cat calling and objectifying women's bodies. There have been white men who ran up to my friends and put their face way to close to their bodies then made vulgar remarks. But there is no idea of "seeing how black people think of white people like that". Somehow it is only black men who suffer from toxic masculinity. This is an unfair claim and to permit any white person of preconceived notions off of face value interactions with us is not cool. That white woman had her mind made up about black people before she was ever cat called by a black man. This society displays us in a demeaning light and people eat it up, including ourselves. It can get to the point where we are standing up for blatant racism and this just breaks my heart. If we were liberated from this mentality, that what white people think of us is important, we'd be able to embrace our blackness fully and realize many of the things anti-black white folks say is only to further push white supremacy.
Bill Maher used the n-word on his live show recently. It was in the most uncalled for and forced manner (although it's always a no no for non blacks to use the word). This man has been a white supremacist and anti-black individual for his whole life. However, because of the idea dismissing bad white behavior and making excuses for them, this moment has been able to unfold. You would think this would be a light bulb moment for self hating black folks. But no! Still black people came out of the wood work to defend this racist. We are do blinded by white validation that we allow them to be hateful to us right in our face and still apologize for them. This behavior is quite frankly sickening and I'm over it.
There's even a podcast I thoroughly enjoy that engages in this behavior. There is one host particularly interjects "now let's not do that" every time another host challenges white people or speaks on a black oppression. Yet whenever that group is critiquing and generalizing things within the black community, everyone is ok with it. Why do we as black people work so hard to protect whiteness? What are these white people really loosing when we call them out? Would they even think to defend us? We have to break away from oppressive patterns on thinking.
It's time to focus on the way we think and speak about ourselves. If we can defend whiteness in our black corners imagine what is said in white spaces. Imagine the impression we leave on white people about how we feel about ourselves. We must love ourselves and stand up for ourselves, because if not us then who?
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
52 Essays 2017: I Should Be Happy But I'm Living Like I'm Not
So it's been a while since I kept up with this challenge. In a prior essay I stated I'm not playing catch up and will just write during the weeks I decide to engage. This choice was needed. As much as I want to go back and write for the weeks I missed, I must stay true to what I said. There's of course much that has happened since last sharing on my blog, so here are some highlights of my week, starting with a realization.
When good things happen in our lives we typically are happy and that happiness resonates into our lifestyle. There is more pep in our step, we smile for what seems to be no reason and just feel good overall. However, with all the good that had been occurring for me, my daily response has been one of anxiety. After work I would order way too much food, buy some alcohol and watch a show I hadn't cared to watch previously. As someone who typically despises reality TV, I morphed into a fan who binged on them. With the snippets of nice weather that have showed up, I would usually walk home on those day. Yet, I found myself on the train every evening almost resenting the idea of walking. It was like I was too tired although I knew I was completely capable. Things have been going great in my professional life, however, I'm realizing I may be anxious from all that is happening. I'm 26, off my parent's insurance, a real adult. I have to make my career work. I have to supply at my company and keep up with the team. This is making me anxious. My current work situation is also no where near my end all be all, so I am juggling not becoming complacent while celebrating my new status. It's all much that has led me down a destructive rabbit hole.
My skin is paying for the food I eat, as my eczema does not respond well to a lot of gluten and dairy. I kept ordering pizza. My lack of hustle kept me from more money. There are opportunities to make extra cash, but you have to be awake for it! But now as I realize I haven't been nice to myself, today I walked home from work and loved it. I ate well this evening and have enjoyed podcasts and writing. I'll be looking forward to keeping the positivity and wellness going.
Another thing I can't leave out is the fact that this cute cashier that flirted with me in front of his coworker. For a while now a tall, dark and handsome guy has been flirting with me and I'm not sure if I've flirted back, but I definitely dig him. He called me "one of his favorites", which feels like backhanded flirting, but was still new for me. Even if a guy likes me he usually wont express that in front of others (heads up ladies that's always a bad sign!). So for him to say that not only out loud but also to his coworker was definitely weird for me. I couldn't look up I was so embarrassed! But wow did it feel good.
My friendships are looking great too. I'm so thankful for the people I've come across that have really blessed my life. As a child I was told not to worry too much about friends, something I share on my blog often. I also share how that is bogus. We need chosen family in this hard life because unfortunately the love we expect from our blood isn't always there. So it is really great to come across sweet and sincere folks who value me, which is really all I want in people in my life.
All in all things are going and I'm ok. I'm excited for the weather warming up. I'm going to keep being myself and putting out good energy and waiting for great energy in return.
When good things happen in our lives we typically are happy and that happiness resonates into our lifestyle. There is more pep in our step, we smile for what seems to be no reason and just feel good overall. However, with all the good that had been occurring for me, my daily response has been one of anxiety. After work I would order way too much food, buy some alcohol and watch a show I hadn't cared to watch previously. As someone who typically despises reality TV, I morphed into a fan who binged on them. With the snippets of nice weather that have showed up, I would usually walk home on those day. Yet, I found myself on the train every evening almost resenting the idea of walking. It was like I was too tired although I knew I was completely capable. Things have been going great in my professional life, however, I'm realizing I may be anxious from all that is happening. I'm 26, off my parent's insurance, a real adult. I have to make my career work. I have to supply at my company and keep up with the team. This is making me anxious. My current work situation is also no where near my end all be all, so I am juggling not becoming complacent while celebrating my new status. It's all much that has led me down a destructive rabbit hole.
My skin is paying for the food I eat, as my eczema does not respond well to a lot of gluten and dairy. I kept ordering pizza. My lack of hustle kept me from more money. There are opportunities to make extra cash, but you have to be awake for it! But now as I realize I haven't been nice to myself, today I walked home from work and loved it. I ate well this evening and have enjoyed podcasts and writing. I'll be looking forward to keeping the positivity and wellness going.
Another thing I can't leave out is the fact that this cute cashier that flirted with me in front of his coworker. For a while now a tall, dark and handsome guy has been flirting with me and I'm not sure if I've flirted back, but I definitely dig him. He called me "one of his favorites", which feels like backhanded flirting, but was still new for me. Even if a guy likes me he usually wont express that in front of others (heads up ladies that's always a bad sign!). So for him to say that not only out loud but also to his coworker was definitely weird for me. I couldn't look up I was so embarrassed! But wow did it feel good.
My friendships are looking great too. I'm so thankful for the people I've come across that have really blessed my life. As a child I was told not to worry too much about friends, something I share on my blog often. I also share how that is bogus. We need chosen family in this hard life because unfortunately the love we expect from our blood isn't always there. So it is really great to come across sweet and sincere folks who value me, which is really all I want in people in my life.
All in all things are going and I'm ok. I'm excited for the weather warming up. I'm going to keep being myself and putting out good energy and waiting for great energy in return.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
52 Essays 2017: I Experienced Fraud
Today is the technical age; hackers are running rampant and using their knowledge for good or evil. Unfortunately, I recently came across a scammer who took advantage of my hard earned money and stole hundreds from me. While this is very normal, especially in a city like new York, I took this incident very personal.
How could they do this to me? What did I do? Don't they know I don't make much money? What if I still had bills to pay? My RENT to pay? How could you suck the money I work hard for right out of my pocket just like that? these were all the thought bubbles popping around my head. It was devastating to say the least, but I had to be proactive and find a way to cope with this experience.
I found out on a lovely Saturday. I came from a lovely picnic with friends, I was watching season 2 of "The Get Down", I mean everything was great. As I was checking out my grubhub order the app kept saying error. Some days it was rightfully so, but this time it just couldn't be! I checked my account expecting to see my monies aligned proper and having to call grubhub to complain after the fact. But when I saw what was left in my account I wanted to cry. I then looked at my statement and saw the gross amount of money stolen from me. Immediately I called my bank and unfortunately their service was disappointing.
A man picked up and I explained how I've been scammed. Without any sense of sympathy he told me to call back once the transaction posted. I being in shock hung up and waited. this happened Saturday and Monday rolled around with the transaction still pending. So I called back and this time a woman transferred me to claims (only after being disconnected). I filed one and the bank said I should get my credit back within 10 days. I told them about the first indifferent banker and they neglected to comment on this. I feel like my bank didn't have my best interest as a customer and as soon as possible I will be walking out on them will all my cash. Bank cards have chips now, so how does this still happen?
After going through all this I just feel overexposed. This is my money that was taken from me. I work hard everyday making my money. I need my money for survival in new York city. This also makes me hate scammers. Get a real job you low life! Instead of ripping it away from those of us don't have much money. This hurt me deep; I ended up drinking and going to sleep early. I've been off this whole week at work, knowing I'd have to wait a few days before I could even access any of my money. I just feel awful about it and I hate this feeling.
Since this is an ongoing phenomenon we as bankers have to be proactive. Your bank may not necessarily catch it for you or contact you about suspicious activity. One way you can ensure this doesn't happen to you is if you have the safety feature on your account. You can get notifications for every transaction so that you can catch fraudulent charges right away. You should also check your statements; this may be a no brainer to most but I personally never did. Now I cannot help but wonder if there were smaller fraudulent charges in the past that I overlooked. Also find a bank that is proactive in protecting their customers. Two years ago my bank at the time called me about fraudulent charges right away that were much smaller than the current ones I'm dealing with.
They listed the different charges concurred, asked if they could freeze my account, and sent me a new card in the mail. I don't want to put out bank names but just do the research or ask the questions when it comes to how they handle suspicious account activity.
While this has all been trying, God has been great to me. An expecting mom asked me to do emergency child care and she gave me 40 bucks just for meeting with her- no child care! I also did another gig to get some money so I've been provided for until I can get my money back.
For anyone who's gone through this, I feel for you. I hope you coped well and that you never have to go through this again. for those who haven't, I hope you don't ever have to go through this. and to you scammers, I hope you get caught or stop before you really ruin someone's life.
How could they do this to me? What did I do? Don't they know I don't make much money? What if I still had bills to pay? My RENT to pay? How could you suck the money I work hard for right out of my pocket just like that? these were all the thought bubbles popping around my head. It was devastating to say the least, but I had to be proactive and find a way to cope with this experience.
I found out on a lovely Saturday. I came from a lovely picnic with friends, I was watching season 2 of "The Get Down", I mean everything was great. As I was checking out my grubhub order the app kept saying error. Some days it was rightfully so, but this time it just couldn't be! I checked my account expecting to see my monies aligned proper and having to call grubhub to complain after the fact. But when I saw what was left in my account I wanted to cry. I then looked at my statement and saw the gross amount of money stolen from me. Immediately I called my bank and unfortunately their service was disappointing.
A man picked up and I explained how I've been scammed. Without any sense of sympathy he told me to call back once the transaction posted. I being in shock hung up and waited. this happened Saturday and Monday rolled around with the transaction still pending. So I called back and this time a woman transferred me to claims (only after being disconnected). I filed one and the bank said I should get my credit back within 10 days. I told them about the first indifferent banker and they neglected to comment on this. I feel like my bank didn't have my best interest as a customer and as soon as possible I will be walking out on them will all my cash. Bank cards have chips now, so how does this still happen?
After going through all this I just feel overexposed. This is my money that was taken from me. I work hard everyday making my money. I need my money for survival in new York city. This also makes me hate scammers. Get a real job you low life! Instead of ripping it away from those of us don't have much money. This hurt me deep; I ended up drinking and going to sleep early. I've been off this whole week at work, knowing I'd have to wait a few days before I could even access any of my money. I just feel awful about it and I hate this feeling.
Since this is an ongoing phenomenon we as bankers have to be proactive. Your bank may not necessarily catch it for you or contact you about suspicious activity. One way you can ensure this doesn't happen to you is if you have the safety feature on your account. You can get notifications for every transaction so that you can catch fraudulent charges right away. You should also check your statements; this may be a no brainer to most but I personally never did. Now I cannot help but wonder if there were smaller fraudulent charges in the past that I overlooked. Also find a bank that is proactive in protecting their customers. Two years ago my bank at the time called me about fraudulent charges right away that were much smaller than the current ones I'm dealing with.
They listed the different charges concurred, asked if they could freeze my account, and sent me a new card in the mail. I don't want to put out bank names but just do the research or ask the questions when it comes to how they handle suspicious account activity.
While this has all been trying, God has been great to me. An expecting mom asked me to do emergency child care and she gave me 40 bucks just for meeting with her- no child care! I also did another gig to get some money so I've been provided for until I can get my money back.
For anyone who's gone through this, I feel for you. I hope you coped well and that you never have to go through this again. for those who haven't, I hope you don't ever have to go through this. and to you scammers, I hope you get caught or stop before you really ruin someone's life.
Sunday, April 23, 2017
52 Essays 2017: Wellness Is Everything
Adulting, this quirky term us millennial folks curated because that's what we do. There's many things I've done that are considered adulting, one of them is embracing wellness. As a youth, I was focused on losing weight and getting the prescription medicine needed to clear my eczema. It was more about making my outward appearance better. But now, I'm realizing my body, mind and spirit need to be well. It's interesting how I came to this realization too.
Ok so another adulting thing I do is listen to podcasts, particularly The Friend Zone. One of the hosts is a YouTuber by the name of HeyFranhey. She does the wellness segment of the podcast. There were so many random tips for sleep, morning routine, journaling, and just things outside of diet and exercise that we're typically taught to work on. This expanded my idea of taking care of myself. Wellness isn't just eating right and getting in a gym session and I'm finally conceptualizing this. Another way I realized I should incorporate wellness is by the drastic changes my body experiences.
In short time periods like a week or month, I'd either lose a lot of weight, gain a lot of weight, have clear skin, have scarred skin, strong or weak nails, et. Then I would reflect back on my lifestyle on those particular weeks. The weeks I was slimmer with clearer skin were the weeks I was walking to work, avoiding junk food and drinking lots of water. The weeks I was heavier and had flared eczema were the weeks I was stagnant, drinking alcohol, and not only eating poorly, but late and in gross amounts. That's when I realized your body heals itself and fast! It wants to but we have to give it the right tools. When I was younger I played sports and used this topical ointment containing steroids to stay smaller and clear my skin. But that isn't wellness. That's a quick fix for the root issue: my diet is poor. I have finally learned I have to take responsibility of what I put into my body, so the outward will improve itself long term.
Other ways I've promoted wellness outside of my physical is through friendships. I am proud to say I've disconnected with people who were toxic, draining or discouraging. Poor friendships lead to poor choices whether conscious or subconscious. I've also started affirming. A gem in my New Day Church community, Scarly, lead a growth group session about letting go of shame. It was such a powerful and healing course. She was big on affirmations and we did a lot in that group. Since then I've made sure to speak life, claim success, and reject negative words. "My words have POWER!" I've also authenticated my communication when praying/ meditating. Growing up in the church I heard how people prayed and many people try to sophisticate and fabricate their prayers. Forget that. I talk to God exactly how I feel the sentiment and I know God appreciates it because God already knows how I thought it; so no point in trying to impress God. Also talking aloud in prayer and sitting comfortably has made prayer a more routine part of my life. There are so many ways to remain well and you'll know when you are; because you'll feel great and lifted.
The body is a powerful, wonderful, potent thing. I look at the family before me and they live long lives. Lives that they've been physically and mentally able to enjoy. That long life is available and waiting for me. But I must do what they did, I must take care of this vessel. I have to show it love, appreciation, and just wellness.
So adulting has been looking great for me and I cannot wait to see how I evolve as I engage in more wellness.
Ok so another adulting thing I do is listen to podcasts, particularly The Friend Zone. One of the hosts is a YouTuber by the name of HeyFranhey. She does the wellness segment of the podcast. There were so many random tips for sleep, morning routine, journaling, and just things outside of diet and exercise that we're typically taught to work on. This expanded my idea of taking care of myself. Wellness isn't just eating right and getting in a gym session and I'm finally conceptualizing this. Another way I realized I should incorporate wellness is by the drastic changes my body experiences.
In short time periods like a week or month, I'd either lose a lot of weight, gain a lot of weight, have clear skin, have scarred skin, strong or weak nails, et. Then I would reflect back on my lifestyle on those particular weeks. The weeks I was slimmer with clearer skin were the weeks I was walking to work, avoiding junk food and drinking lots of water. The weeks I was heavier and had flared eczema were the weeks I was stagnant, drinking alcohol, and not only eating poorly, but late and in gross amounts. That's when I realized your body heals itself and fast! It wants to but we have to give it the right tools. When I was younger I played sports and used this topical ointment containing steroids to stay smaller and clear my skin. But that isn't wellness. That's a quick fix for the root issue: my diet is poor. I have finally learned I have to take responsibility of what I put into my body, so the outward will improve itself long term.
Other ways I've promoted wellness outside of my physical is through friendships. I am proud to say I've disconnected with people who were toxic, draining or discouraging. Poor friendships lead to poor choices whether conscious or subconscious. I've also started affirming. A gem in my New Day Church community, Scarly, lead a growth group session about letting go of shame. It was such a powerful and healing course. She was big on affirmations and we did a lot in that group. Since then I've made sure to speak life, claim success, and reject negative words. "My words have POWER!" I've also authenticated my communication when praying/ meditating. Growing up in the church I heard how people prayed and many people try to sophisticate and fabricate their prayers. Forget that. I talk to God exactly how I feel the sentiment and I know God appreciates it because God already knows how I thought it; so no point in trying to impress God. Also talking aloud in prayer and sitting comfortably has made prayer a more routine part of my life. There are so many ways to remain well and you'll know when you are; because you'll feel great and lifted.
The body is a powerful, wonderful, potent thing. I look at the family before me and they live long lives. Lives that they've been physically and mentally able to enjoy. That long life is available and waiting for me. But I must do what they did, I must take care of this vessel. I have to show it love, appreciation, and just wellness.
So adulting has been looking great for me and I cannot wait to see how I evolve as I engage in more wellness.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
52 Essays 2017: Birthday, Blessings and Being Above The Bull
Last week was my birthday! Coming up to another year of life will always have me lit and feeling blessed. While I can't be down during birthday turn up time, I do admit I was pretty bummed my plans to visit California flopped. I should have been on The Price Is Right winning a car! But alas, my pockets decided not this go around boo, leaving me local for my special day! But like I said, it's my birthday! It's a great time, a moment rather, celebrating. It really doesn't matter what I'm doing that day, no one can bring me down. So I spent the day part at work, and people tried to bring me down.
Those people who try to bring me down, I tried calling them misguided or traumatized. But it's time I call them what they are: haters. I'm not nice or good, but I am decent and respectful. There is no real reason not to like me, give me a hard time, or try to shade me. So when I come across people who do I now realized it is because they hate on me.
At this moment in my life I feel confident and ready! Things are starting to work in my favor and life is just good. So it is not completely shocking that I have haters, but it is annoying. There is a fine line between being an unbothered person, and being a doormat. When it comes to harassment I tend to ignore it. The situation is beneath me and there is no fruitful reason for engagement. Still, there are just situations you cannot walk away from; because then people will take you as weak, believing they can act however they want with you. They will push it to the next extreme until they've done something completely uncalled for. You have to stand up for yourself, address the issue and nip it in the butt.
So at work things are going great in every aspect aside from my two haters. They were cordial and conversational before but for whatever reason started to take shots at me. It was petty at first like undermining my work or laughing at me. Then it became talking to me disrespectfully and avoiding job duties if it required me. During all this there were plenty of moments for me to stop the bad behavior. Yet I allowed things to continue.
Without spilling too much tea I will just say one of the ladies took it too far. She did something dirty and when I asked her about it she acted like it wasn't a big deal. The other lady laughed. Haters. This all on my birthday! These haters also knew it was my birthday, since they signed the birthday card the job passed around. At that moment I realized that this miserable woman wanted to attack me; this was her attack on me. I also knew it was time to end this silly drama because had it not been my birthday, she may have gotten the reaction she wanted and I may have messed up all my growth at my job. However the lord works in mysterious ways and I let it go that day.
The thing about telling someone off is that the longer you wait, the less of a sting your words have. This will discourage you from taking to them, from addressing the mess. Don't let it! Whenever you get the next chance (with a clear head) look them in their eyes and ask them "what's up?" The woman gave the same lame excuse from prior, so I just told her don't do it again and she didn't reply. She really didn't have to as long as she got my point.
It's annoying having to address haters. It's bothersome knowing they got to you. But it isn't your fault they are tactfully trying to test you. If you ignore it, it won't stop until it gets out of hand. With another year under my belt. I've realized conflict isn't that big a deal. The bigger issue is allowing people to treat you poorly. Where I work is a space I inhabit frequently. More than any other space, even my home. So I cannot just let someone hate on me and ignore it.
So my birthday week was phenomenal; I have great family and friends. I stayed up and out too many nights. I ate and drank. It was great and nobody can stop me! I'll continue to be team unbothered but you'll certainly know I'll bother to stand up for me!
Those people who try to bring me down, I tried calling them misguided or traumatized. But it's time I call them what they are: haters. I'm not nice or good, but I am decent and respectful. There is no real reason not to like me, give me a hard time, or try to shade me. So when I come across people who do I now realized it is because they hate on me.
At this moment in my life I feel confident and ready! Things are starting to work in my favor and life is just good. So it is not completely shocking that I have haters, but it is annoying. There is a fine line between being an unbothered person, and being a doormat. When it comes to harassment I tend to ignore it. The situation is beneath me and there is no fruitful reason for engagement. Still, there are just situations you cannot walk away from; because then people will take you as weak, believing they can act however they want with you. They will push it to the next extreme until they've done something completely uncalled for. You have to stand up for yourself, address the issue and nip it in the butt.
So at work things are going great in every aspect aside from my two haters. They were cordial and conversational before but for whatever reason started to take shots at me. It was petty at first like undermining my work or laughing at me. Then it became talking to me disrespectfully and avoiding job duties if it required me. During all this there were plenty of moments for me to stop the bad behavior. Yet I allowed things to continue.
Without spilling too much tea I will just say one of the ladies took it too far. She did something dirty and when I asked her about it she acted like it wasn't a big deal. The other lady laughed. Haters. This all on my birthday! These haters also knew it was my birthday, since they signed the birthday card the job passed around. At that moment I realized that this miserable woman wanted to attack me; this was her attack on me. I also knew it was time to end this silly drama because had it not been my birthday, she may have gotten the reaction she wanted and I may have messed up all my growth at my job. However the lord works in mysterious ways and I let it go that day.
The thing about telling someone off is that the longer you wait, the less of a sting your words have. This will discourage you from taking to them, from addressing the mess. Don't let it! Whenever you get the next chance (with a clear head) look them in their eyes and ask them "what's up?" The woman gave the same lame excuse from prior, so I just told her don't do it again and she didn't reply. She really didn't have to as long as she got my point.
It's annoying having to address haters. It's bothersome knowing they got to you. But it isn't your fault they are tactfully trying to test you. If you ignore it, it won't stop until it gets out of hand. With another year under my belt. I've realized conflict isn't that big a deal. The bigger issue is allowing people to treat you poorly. Where I work is a space I inhabit frequently. More than any other space, even my home. So I cannot just let someone hate on me and ignore it.
So my birthday week was phenomenal; I have great family and friends. I stayed up and out too many nights. I ate and drank. It was great and nobody can stop me! I'll continue to be team unbothered but you'll certainly know I'll bother to stand up for me!
Sunday, April 16, 2017
52 Essays 2017: Be Intentional With God
Growing up in the church, there were certain dogmas pastors and congregation members held near and dear. One was "follow God's will". This always had a sense of ambivalence in my opinion because how do we know when it comes to us? I always found this idea sort of sedentary. However, there is another teaching that I remember seeing in scripture. "God gives you the desires of your heart." Functionally this sentiment makes more sense to me, yet I kept getting trapped in the mindset of looking for the will. Once I became intentional with God and expressed my desires, my life has shown evidence of my heart's desires being fulfilled.
When it came to my career choice, I definitely suppressed the desires of my heart and was in search of God's will. My parents and other family members are in the health field; so it cannot be too surprising that my mother just knew I would become a nurse. This idea has been instilled in my since high school and I followed this path up anti university. After flunking many of the prerequisites I kept on, until finally a director of the medical college told me straight up I wouldn't be a nurse. While this should have hurt my feelings it just affirmed what I kept ignoring: I don't wanna be a nurse. Knowing this chapter of my life was closed, I quickly knew which door to open up next.
In third grade I was embarrassed by my teacher in the best way. She was yelling at the class about the poor work on the last essays and ended up pointing me out. She was saying I was the best writer in the room. At that moment my head when down and I blushed and smirked like the awkward 8 year old I was, but there was a reason I remember that moment years later. I had to realize the desire of my heart is writing.
Now it is one thing to love something and another to make a career off of doing what you love. Most folks are discouraged to make working in their passion a reality. Understandably so; the reality is the bills do not pay themselves. But, when you're intestinal with God, and really speaking the desires of your heart into existence, the dream comes into fruition.
Having resided in New York for the past couple of years has been challenging. This is not a cheap city. Nonetheless I started writing and teaching. At work I was becoming pretty discouraged. I did not see an opportunity for growth and thought I was not doing well. Either way at night I would affirm the desires of my heart. And when I say an opportunity presented itself at work that I did not think I would see, I mean it came in a fast whirlwind of joy.
I praised God and became awed at the fact that God does grant you the desires of your heart. Be very intentional and know what you want. I have not "made it" but I am definitely making it happen.
When it came to my career choice, I definitely suppressed the desires of my heart and was in search of God's will. My parents and other family members are in the health field; so it cannot be too surprising that my mother just knew I would become a nurse. This idea has been instilled in my since high school and I followed this path up anti university. After flunking many of the prerequisites I kept on, until finally a director of the medical college told me straight up I wouldn't be a nurse. While this should have hurt my feelings it just affirmed what I kept ignoring: I don't wanna be a nurse. Knowing this chapter of my life was closed, I quickly knew which door to open up next.
In third grade I was embarrassed by my teacher in the best way. She was yelling at the class about the poor work on the last essays and ended up pointing me out. She was saying I was the best writer in the room. At that moment my head when down and I blushed and smirked like the awkward 8 year old I was, but there was a reason I remember that moment years later. I had to realize the desire of my heart is writing.
Now it is one thing to love something and another to make a career off of doing what you love. Most folks are discouraged to make working in their passion a reality. Understandably so; the reality is the bills do not pay themselves. But, when you're intestinal with God, and really speaking the desires of your heart into existence, the dream comes into fruition.
Having resided in New York for the past couple of years has been challenging. This is not a cheap city. Nonetheless I started writing and teaching. At work I was becoming pretty discouraged. I did not see an opportunity for growth and thought I was not doing well. Either way at night I would affirm the desires of my heart. And when I say an opportunity presented itself at work that I did not think I would see, I mean it came in a fast whirlwind of joy.
I praised God and became awed at the fact that God does grant you the desires of your heart. Be very intentional and know what you want. I have not "made it" but I am definitely making it happen.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
52 Essays 2017: Stop Demonizing Me
Since I was a young girl, like about a tween, I've noticed something funny about the way folks interpreted my words. They would mimic my phrases and gestures, but something would always be off about them. Sometimes I'd say something with a sense of fatigue or confusion, and somehow it was translated into sass and attitude. When I spoke in a normal calm tone, others repeated what I said as if I was aggressive or short. These instances used to befuddle me; "how'd they get all that from what I just said". "What's the deal with the 'mhm hmm' and 'uh uh' ad libs?" How did my concerned face become one of agitation?
The folks that always construed my words would always change my inflictions, add body language such as neck and eye rolls, and just make me speaking an issue. The older I became, the more my response was to become defensive and angry. I finally realized that what was occurring what society demonizing and stigmatizing me. Even when I'm right in someone's face authentically functioning, somehow they turned it into generalizations of what they see within a black girl.
They hear the throaty "mhmm hmm" so they put it where I never said. They see the neck roll and finger shake so they add it to my mannerism. It's due to the ever shifting but still existing stigma put on black girls. How could one's view on you be so racist that as I'm speaking to you, you literally alter what I just said? This is an aggravating process that typecasts my life into a role I didn't come to play. The folks who contort the ways in which I express are inflicting hate on me. I cannot stand them and I've gotten to a point where I want to defend my autonomy.
What sparked this topic was a coworker doing exactly this today. She asked me what I was getting for lunch and I replied "uh, ___". The "uh" was a thoughtful/contemplative one. Yet she busts out laughing and turns my "uh" into a growly angry one. I just had to say "it's not even like that" and walk away. I put back on my Laura Mvula and enjoyed my break. But this really isn't fair. I'm tired of racists trying to make me out to be something I'm not. I'm tired of people only perceiving a black girl as full of attitude and angry. We are so much more than that and I won't be shoved into their small black girl identity box.
Another recent instance was when I was passing out flyers and someone said I handing them out "aggressively". This was a real thing a real racist said. Why are black girls so under attack? Can we not be policed in everything we do? Can society just take off the shades of racism and view black girls as individuals who aren't angry all the time? And believe you me, I know when I'm angry. I'm an Aires everyone will know when I'm angry. So it isn't an issue of admitting I am aggressive or agitated during these situations. The issue is that people turn my normal communication into that and it's absurd. While there is an intentional shift on the black girl perspective, individuals like this still see us black girls at school, work, church, the park and wherever else. They still try to gaslight us into taking on the sassy black woman persona. Contrary to popular media, this isn't how we are. So please stop being so extra and making a mockery of who I am.
I hate that this is a real issue black girls deal with. I hope black girls see through this garbage and exist very authentically. I know we will get to live soon!
The folks that always construed my words would always change my inflictions, add body language such as neck and eye rolls, and just make me speaking an issue. The older I became, the more my response was to become defensive and angry. I finally realized that what was occurring what society demonizing and stigmatizing me. Even when I'm right in someone's face authentically functioning, somehow they turned it into generalizations of what they see within a black girl.
They hear the throaty "mhmm hmm" so they put it where I never said. They see the neck roll and finger shake so they add it to my mannerism. It's due to the ever shifting but still existing stigma put on black girls. How could one's view on you be so racist that as I'm speaking to you, you literally alter what I just said? This is an aggravating process that typecasts my life into a role I didn't come to play. The folks who contort the ways in which I express are inflicting hate on me. I cannot stand them and I've gotten to a point where I want to defend my autonomy.
What sparked this topic was a coworker doing exactly this today. She asked me what I was getting for lunch and I replied "uh, ___". The "uh" was a thoughtful/contemplative one. Yet she busts out laughing and turns my "uh" into a growly angry one. I just had to say "it's not even like that" and walk away. I put back on my Laura Mvula and enjoyed my break. But this really isn't fair. I'm tired of racists trying to make me out to be something I'm not. I'm tired of people only perceiving a black girl as full of attitude and angry. We are so much more than that and I won't be shoved into their small black girl identity box.
Another recent instance was when I was passing out flyers and someone said I handing them out "aggressively". This was a real thing a real racist said. Why are black girls so under attack? Can we not be policed in everything we do? Can society just take off the shades of racism and view black girls as individuals who aren't angry all the time? And believe you me, I know when I'm angry. I'm an Aires everyone will know when I'm angry. So it isn't an issue of admitting I am aggressive or agitated during these situations. The issue is that people turn my normal communication into that and it's absurd. While there is an intentional shift on the black girl perspective, individuals like this still see us black girls at school, work, church, the park and wherever else. They still try to gaslight us into taking on the sassy black woman persona. Contrary to popular media, this isn't how we are. So please stop being so extra and making a mockery of who I am.
I hate that this is a real issue black girls deal with. I hope black girls see through this garbage and exist very authentically. I know we will get to live soon!
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
52 Essays 2017: A Poem
I fell behind
Now I feel like shit
I fell behind
But I don't want to quit
Why'd I start this?
Why'd I start this?
The journey seems so long ago
Fog and groggy attitudes
But the writing
But the words
But the will to go some more
I fell behind, but I did no fall
I stood back up to take it all
Now I feel like shit
I fell behind
But I don't want to quit
Why'd I start this?
Why'd I start this?
The journey seems so long ago
Fog and groggy attitudes
But the writing
But the words
But the will to go some more
I fell behind, but I did no fall
I stood back up to take it all
52 Essays 2017: This is a Catch Up Essay
So I've been behind toe essay for a few weeks now. I just don't feel this is the point of the essay challenge: to fall behind. I think the point is to spend whatever time you can each week getting a sentiment out. So that should include the small sentiments I don't feel are essay worthy.
This challenge has been great; it definitely has me writing more! I've also been getting more of an idea of what I want to be about as a blogger. I'm one of those writers who enjoys writing about a multitude of topics, so when a web designer asked me what kind of writing will I be doing, I had to really reflect on my answer. I can't write about everything and brand myself, so it's been great seeing what topics typically come to mind as I write these essays.
There was a friend I started this journey with, who unfortunately couldn't participate in this challenge anymore. However, when she was still involved I recall her feeling she didn't have enough time to write. I recommended she write anything, even if it was three short paragraphs, or less. But low and behold when I began feeling pressed for time, I did not take my own advice and instead neglected my own advice. Well not anymore! I think my writing what I can as the weeks come will give others better insight of my writing process too.
So here is a short and sweet catch up essay, and hopefully my last catch up essay!
This challenge has been great; it definitely has me writing more! I've also been getting more of an idea of what I want to be about as a blogger. I'm one of those writers who enjoys writing about a multitude of topics, so when a web designer asked me what kind of writing will I be doing, I had to really reflect on my answer. I can't write about everything and brand myself, so it's been great seeing what topics typically come to mind as I write these essays.
There was a friend I started this journey with, who unfortunately couldn't participate in this challenge anymore. However, when she was still involved I recall her feeling she didn't have enough time to write. I recommended she write anything, even if it was three short paragraphs, or less. But low and behold when I began feeling pressed for time, I did not take my own advice and instead neglected my own advice. Well not anymore! I think my writing what I can as the weeks come will give others better insight of my writing process too.
So here is a short and sweet catch up essay, and hopefully my last catch up essay!
52 Essays 2017: Energies and Channeling Mine
So the past couple of weeks I've been more social than usual. I've come across many new folks, and new situations. I've also spent more time than usual with the acquaintances in my life. While I love having a social life and connecting with others, I also am weary of people I come across and the energy they carry. I know this may be an eye roller for some folks, but I really believe there's an energy we carry and emit into others and into our surroundings. This is why I have to check mine after being around so many different energies. People carry heavy, negative, and just conflicted energy at times. And I want to be sure I keep my energy high, positive, loving and inviting. There have been moments I knew something was off, so I just want to flesh out how to be cautious and decipher when it's time to take a step back.
When I'm on the scene I optimize my fun; I love enjoying myself while out. People tend to be so hilarious and animated, full of personality and just overall interesting. This is New York for crying out loud, there are so many characters that are just so vivacious and I really do love interacting with them. However, as we come with all of us, they come with all of them and our energies intercede into each other. As they begin to intertwine, that allows the risk of throwing off our natural defenses and inclinations to situations. You never know what someone is carrying with them and it many times is something you don't need rubbing off on you.
A perfect example is when you're around a bunch of folks who are very hype, outgoing, and bring a lot of public attention to themselves. When I hang out with folks like this I am typically laughing to the point of split sides, more likely to have word vomit, and more willing to be a little obnoxious in public. While all this can be harmless fun, a negative part about being around a group like this is that I am way more reactionary than responsive. If one of them starts to turn the harmless fun into an issue or conjure up drama, I may not see that in the moment. I become more willing to give attention to petty or immature situations than they deserve and I end up feeling weak afterwards.
This is not to say the folks you surround yourself with are to blame. We are always in control of our actions and behaviors, but there is something to be said about how we change and get pulled into others' energies. These are the things I don't like and don't wish to internalize; so once I realize I've been acting unseemly, I know it's time to break away from certain situations.
There are also the energy of discourage; I don't want to be too specific, but there's always clear signs someone isn't sticking around you for the right reasons. They don't care about your well being and may be using you for entertainment, gossip, opportunism or whatever. I've told my little sisters for years to nip those relationships in the butt and estrange them. Yet at times I myself engage with such folks. I have to be as bold as I want my sister to be and excommunicate those jerks in my life because I don't need anyone's bad vibes. Life is already too hard and troubling to willingly put yourself in situations that make you feel bad about yourself. The people around you and the energy they carry should allow you to feel safe and more so uplifted.
When it comes down to it, the different vibes and auroras others bring around you will effect you. That's why it's so important to ensure your surrounded by good company. Whoever said "watch the company you keep" said it exactly right. When I feel mine is off the first thing I do is self evaluate what or who has me feeling some type of way. Once I've reached a realization I separate myself from the issue and pray for healing.
There has been actual damage done to my body from messing up my energy, such as anger, anxiety, depressing, etc. When I'm in any of those states I become stagnant and even gluttonous. We have to acknowledge the effects people have over us. However, I am much stronger than any of this. I just know when things don't feel right and life has been a little unordinary, something along that path threw me off and I must recollect.
So please just be careful about who you engage with and allow into not only your life but your space. Someone from so long ago can still affect you and you may not understand why. After all these days, months, years why is this person or event still making me sad or mad? It's because you never allowed yourself to heal from whatever wronging they've done to your health. So find whatever practice worlds for you to self check and recover. You'll definitely have a stronger energy and be the one rubbing off your positive shine!
When I'm on the scene I optimize my fun; I love enjoying myself while out. People tend to be so hilarious and animated, full of personality and just overall interesting. This is New York for crying out loud, there are so many characters that are just so vivacious and I really do love interacting with them. However, as we come with all of us, they come with all of them and our energies intercede into each other. As they begin to intertwine, that allows the risk of throwing off our natural defenses and inclinations to situations. You never know what someone is carrying with them and it many times is something you don't need rubbing off on you.
A perfect example is when you're around a bunch of folks who are very hype, outgoing, and bring a lot of public attention to themselves. When I hang out with folks like this I am typically laughing to the point of split sides, more likely to have word vomit, and more willing to be a little obnoxious in public. While all this can be harmless fun, a negative part about being around a group like this is that I am way more reactionary than responsive. If one of them starts to turn the harmless fun into an issue or conjure up drama, I may not see that in the moment. I become more willing to give attention to petty or immature situations than they deserve and I end up feeling weak afterwards.
This is not to say the folks you surround yourself with are to blame. We are always in control of our actions and behaviors, but there is something to be said about how we change and get pulled into others' energies. These are the things I don't like and don't wish to internalize; so once I realize I've been acting unseemly, I know it's time to break away from certain situations.
There are also the energy of discourage; I don't want to be too specific, but there's always clear signs someone isn't sticking around you for the right reasons. They don't care about your well being and may be using you for entertainment, gossip, opportunism or whatever. I've told my little sisters for years to nip those relationships in the butt and estrange them. Yet at times I myself engage with such folks. I have to be as bold as I want my sister to be and excommunicate those jerks in my life because I don't need anyone's bad vibes. Life is already too hard and troubling to willingly put yourself in situations that make you feel bad about yourself. The people around you and the energy they carry should allow you to feel safe and more so uplifted.
When it comes down to it, the different vibes and auroras others bring around you will effect you. That's why it's so important to ensure your surrounded by good company. Whoever said "watch the company you keep" said it exactly right. When I feel mine is off the first thing I do is self evaluate what or who has me feeling some type of way. Once I've reached a realization I separate myself from the issue and pray for healing.
There has been actual damage done to my body from messing up my energy, such as anger, anxiety, depressing, etc. When I'm in any of those states I become stagnant and even gluttonous. We have to acknowledge the effects people have over us. However, I am much stronger than any of this. I just know when things don't feel right and life has been a little unordinary, something along that path threw me off and I must recollect.
So please just be careful about who you engage with and allow into not only your life but your space. Someone from so long ago can still affect you and you may not understand why. After all these days, months, years why is this person or event still making me sad or mad? It's because you never allowed yourself to heal from whatever wronging they've done to your health. So find whatever practice worlds for you to self check and recover. You'll definitely have a stronger energy and be the one rubbing off your positive shine!
Sunday, March 5, 2017
52 Essays 2017: My Anger Towards Oppressive Men
This is Women's History Month; a time to highlight the phenomenal women in history and who are making history. Many influential and trailblazing women come to mind and excite me this month. But for whatever reason, I've lately been fixated on the oppression women face through toxic masculinity. This disease appears in enigmatic and clear ways. We normalize it through society and I see the gross contradictions of domestic violence.
As I've shared before on this blog, my aunt passed due to domestic violence. Ever since then I am realizing more and more how toxic masculinity killed her. I'm realizing how people in her life normalized her husband's behavior. How they victim blamed. How they flip flopped their views to make all her situations her fault. It is heartbreaking and just disturbing. It angers me and leaves me resenting people. Feeling like they're cowards. I know this energy isn't resolution based but this is where I'm at. However, I want to be at a point where I'm looking at these systems that take away our peace, autonomy and life. I want to feel safe around men again; and I don't mean I sense a physical danger. But I am afraid too many men in my life think, contribute and exercise these oppressive ways towards women, to the point they would watch me die the way men in Maggie's life watched her die.
Yes that's a bold statement but the truth because we continue to taboo domestic violence. For one we don't understand what it is and the many forms it takes. We refuse to understand toxic masculinity and how we must challenge men to shift their perception of their relationship to women. To this day in a world of working women, female leaders, young girls who are entrepreneurs, women being credited for their contributions to history and just an all around neo Women's movement, I'm honestly befuddled at how men still can view women as lesser. Of course there is a sociological and demographic answer to this, but we must reverse this. Men need to be accountable and this is the root of my anger I've come to learn finally.
I just see too often in every outlet men aren't held accountable for the hurt they do to women. Women everywhere are shamed for the abuse they've endured. Boys are conditioned to conceptualize this all as the norm. This is literally toxic masculinity and it is destroying women.
The anger I feel seems to get stronger and turn into a rage. Something that specifically triggered me was an awesome podcast The Read. I just started listening to them and became an instant fan. They were talking about the restraining order Karrueche filed against Chris Brown. Most of us know about his attack on Rihanna in 2009, which left Rihanna severely injured and traumatized. Karrueche also claimed Brown hit her before and a neighbor confirmed hearing their struggles. Crissle who's a co-host, spoke about the scrutiny Karrueche went through for dating Chris Brown and the double sided judgment she received.
Folks were condemning her for dating Chris Brown in the first place. Then when he was being obsessive and a stalker people were saying he's so crazy about her she better take him back. You see how no matter his behavior and her defense, somehow she's still at fault? This was the same thing when it came to Rihanna. Folks will always blame the victim because we are never told to hold men accountable. As Crissle continued about this and how folks are stupid to think like this; I really felt her on this. Why is this the masses thinking process? When do we just realize these women tried to love a man who needs effective help and responsibility? I just think of how there are so many Chris Browns that I encounter daily. They are the pervs who check out children. They are the uncles who cop feels. They are the fathers who turn a blind eye to a woman's cry for help. They are the church that won't kick out an abusive member. They are the men who are intimidated by a powerful woman, whether it be by her wealth, leadership or knowledge.
I'm just tired of these men getting to enjoy their lives oppressively and peacefully all the while damaging however many girls. I hate how Rihanna, Karrueche, and many women that we'll ever know, because countless assault reports go unfilled due to women fearing they won't be believed, have to carry such the shame they didn't earn. Men just scare me and I love them so much but I do rage at their oppression. Like I stated prior, I want to effectively be fed up about this so I can be fired up and do something that'll be preventive and shifting. But for now I am processing this anger and exploring how I can confront the men like this in my personal life.
As I've shared before on this blog, my aunt passed due to domestic violence. Ever since then I am realizing more and more how toxic masculinity killed her. I'm realizing how people in her life normalized her husband's behavior. How they victim blamed. How they flip flopped their views to make all her situations her fault. It is heartbreaking and just disturbing. It angers me and leaves me resenting people. Feeling like they're cowards. I know this energy isn't resolution based but this is where I'm at. However, I want to be at a point where I'm looking at these systems that take away our peace, autonomy and life. I want to feel safe around men again; and I don't mean I sense a physical danger. But I am afraid too many men in my life think, contribute and exercise these oppressive ways towards women, to the point they would watch me die the way men in Maggie's life watched her die.
Yes that's a bold statement but the truth because we continue to taboo domestic violence. For one we don't understand what it is and the many forms it takes. We refuse to understand toxic masculinity and how we must challenge men to shift their perception of their relationship to women. To this day in a world of working women, female leaders, young girls who are entrepreneurs, women being credited for their contributions to history and just an all around neo Women's movement, I'm honestly befuddled at how men still can view women as lesser. Of course there is a sociological and demographic answer to this, but we must reverse this. Men need to be accountable and this is the root of my anger I've come to learn finally.
I just see too often in every outlet men aren't held accountable for the hurt they do to women. Women everywhere are shamed for the abuse they've endured. Boys are conditioned to conceptualize this all as the norm. This is literally toxic masculinity and it is destroying women.
The anger I feel seems to get stronger and turn into a rage. Something that specifically triggered me was an awesome podcast The Read. I just started listening to them and became an instant fan. They were talking about the restraining order Karrueche filed against Chris Brown. Most of us know about his attack on Rihanna in 2009, which left Rihanna severely injured and traumatized. Karrueche also claimed Brown hit her before and a neighbor confirmed hearing their struggles. Crissle who's a co-host, spoke about the scrutiny Karrueche went through for dating Chris Brown and the double sided judgment she received.
Folks were condemning her for dating Chris Brown in the first place. Then when he was being obsessive and a stalker people were saying he's so crazy about her she better take him back. You see how no matter his behavior and her defense, somehow she's still at fault? This was the same thing when it came to Rihanna. Folks will always blame the victim because we are never told to hold men accountable. As Crissle continued about this and how folks are stupid to think like this; I really felt her on this. Why is this the masses thinking process? When do we just realize these women tried to love a man who needs effective help and responsibility? I just think of how there are so many Chris Browns that I encounter daily. They are the pervs who check out children. They are the uncles who cop feels. They are the fathers who turn a blind eye to a woman's cry for help. They are the church that won't kick out an abusive member. They are the men who are intimidated by a powerful woman, whether it be by her wealth, leadership or knowledge.
I'm just tired of these men getting to enjoy their lives oppressively and peacefully all the while damaging however many girls. I hate how Rihanna, Karrueche, and many women that we'll ever know, because countless assault reports go unfilled due to women fearing they won't be believed, have to carry such the shame they didn't earn. Men just scare me and I love them so much but I do rage at their oppression. Like I stated prior, I want to effectively be fed up about this so I can be fired up and do something that'll be preventive and shifting. But for now I am processing this anger and exploring how I can confront the men like this in my personal life.
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