I've never been ok with conflict. I personally hate when there is a problem. Like why can't we all just be happy and jokingly?! This irrational need to always keep things light-hearted leaves room for vulnerability. And of course, some people take one's vulnerability for weakness, and ultimately step-over said person. Constantly I'd find myself in these instances.
Now let's be clear: I have no issue telling someone off or about themselves. But I truly, and I mean truly, hate doing it. Being mean or nasty is awkward; I've always wondered how some people do it so seamlessly. Yet, there they are throwing shade at me, belittling me, taking a stab at my character or straight up making fun of me. Most family I vent to about these people say it isn't even about me; its about their own insecurities, miseries, et. Well it sure feels like it's about me in the moment! So what is a girl to do? For me, I honestly feel like I have to defend myself. From my life experiences thus far, it seems we are in a society where we have to show people how to treat us. Common decency is as uncommon as common sense. So when we are being mistreated, if we take the high road and ignore this behavior, it only breeds room for more instances as such. This life is already too hard with the constant traumas as a queer, big, black woman. I refuse to carry a lack of self-respect too.
A couple of recent instances have proved that my mentality is telling. I've had to stand up to individuals in spaces I visit regularly. With the first instance, instead of being subordinate and meek, I questioned my authority. In certain spaces we are urged not to question authority, as it can literally end our livelihood. However, once you hit that breaking point, you break. And it doesn't even have to be a messy, dramatic break. But it does have to be deliberate. It needs to be clear that decision is to break the cycle in how this person interacts with me. There tone will change. The carelessness is now intent. Disrespect and harassment ends here! Since then, I do not feel on edge in that environment. When I am spoken to, semantics do not seem to be at play. This allows for me to reach resolve and have self content not only in that space, but with that person.
The other instance was a lot more clear and direct. I addressed the bad behavior at hand immediately, which is usually the best time for me to speak on my concerns. When I wait to long to address things, I become so angry and passive aggressive, which leads to nothing but lingering emotions. This is also the most uncomfortable way to stand up for yourself though. You're literally not letting a person slide with what they said or did to you, because you shut it down right away; and that may make them defensive. They make try to dig at you some more. They may try to get loud. Either way, defend yourself. You have to have your back. And it is sad to say after handling this person in such a manner, they stopped the bad behavior instantly. It's sad because I had to get real. I had to call out a nasty habit of theirs. I had to make it crystal clear that they would no longer be treating me as such.
Despite how nice, likeable, approachable, or sincere you are with folks, too often people will still treat you unfairly. They'll do you wrong. Sometimes the fact that you are decent and friendly is exactly why they want to treat you that way. Please don't get me wrong; we shouldn't go down to anyone's level of petty, but we should definitely make sure people act right! In my heart is love and peace, but I do not have room for disrespect. No one should. Not ever situation is worth a verbal exchange or showdown (depending on what level you're ready to take it to); but every instant you're upset at yourself for not speaking up leaves you asking yourself "why" for much longer. It's best to let it out and let it go.
No comments:
Post a Comment